Almost a Date

I've been getting calls about my the impending expiration of my vehicle's warranty. I've been getting these calls for six months. The recording never mentions the business's name.
I keep pushing #2 like the recording says to get taken off the call list. The recording keeps saying this is my last chance.
I keep getting these calls.

Today I pushed #1 instead.
Guy: This is Bob. [notice, again, no actual business name]
Me: Hi, I keep trying to get taken off your call list and it keeps not working. Please remove me.

He launched into a spiel about how important a vehicle warranty was and was I really ready to pay for unexpected repairs, etc? And, while I've had that call with AOL, this one was not the least bit, "I'm sorry to hear that, but..." It was "No, you can't be serious. You need a warranty." So, not the AOL schtick, but outright assholery.

Me: No, I want to be removed from your call list.
Bob: How 'bout I take you out to dinner instead?
Me: How about you remove me from your call list?
Bob: Come on, we'll go out, have wontons -- [line went dead]

I went online and filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. Don't know if they can do anything, but reporting a scam can't hurt. Besides, it's a 702 area code. Dinner would've been logistically hard anyway.

It's A Good Rule.

I broke my answering the door rule again the other day. I wasn't expecting anyone, yet I opened the door. One of these days I'll learn.

Woman 1: Hi, we're going around to the houses and talking to people today.
Woman 2: Have you read our magazine?

Ah yes, these women. Again.

They asked me if I wanted to talk about the Bible. I said no. Then I said, "I'm an atheist."
Woman 2: Is it because you're frustrated by the hypocrisy in the church?
(Right. 'Cause that's the definition of atheist.)
Me: No.
Woman 1: I remember you.

If only they would remember to skip my house next go 'round. Or, if only I would remember that there's a really good reason that I don't answer my door.

Next time I'm going to tell 'em I've converted to Scientology and would they like to talk about the aliens?

Maybe We're Getting A Little Too Close

Friend: You know how busy and stressed I am? It has been three days since I washed my hair. Three. I mean, I've showered every day, but this morning I actually had to think about when was the last time I washed my hair.
Me: Uh, that's nice.
Friend: And you don't even want to know how long it's been since I shaved my legs.
Me: You know, you're right. I really don't. In fact, I just don't think I need any details at all about your personal hygiene.
Friend: Yes, Ali. Yes you do.

A Concern For Clarity

My mom sends me e-mail forward from time to time. Today, I got one with a unique subject line:
Musical balls (NOT porn)

Thanks for making that clear mom, 'cause otherwise I definitely would have assumed my conservative Catholic mother was e-mailing me something X rated.

At the Vet's

Vet's assistant: It must be foreign objects day or something.

Why'd I Quit?

At the dog park:

Guy: Hey, are you still working at the bar?
Me: Nope.
Guy: What happened?

And then I thought:
Just didn't see waitressing as my life's calling.
Who are you and why do you care?
I killed a patron for stiffing me on the tip and they won't let me go back.
Got tired of random people asking me personal questions.

And then I said:
Me: Just got another job.

Which, really, is its own proof of concept, isn't it?

Yappy Types

Deb recently pointed out to me that it's been a while since I've updated. I told Deb I've been busily working on my thesis. She told me I need to take Sherman to the dog park more and stop making excuses.

So, here's a word about the dog park. Like every other type of human interaction, do it a few times and you see patterns. There's the worried-their-dog-will-cause-problems type, who keeps a very close eye on their beast and is afraid their dog will be aggressive; there's the wants-their-dog-to-ignore-everything-else-and-pay-attention-only-to-them type (which is baffling, 'cause why bring your dog to a dog park if you just want it to play fetch with you); and a variety of others.

My least favorite of them all is the paranoid over-protective type who bring lap dogs to the dog park. You see, my own dog likes little beasties. She especially likes to charge up to them at full speed and try to get them to play. The paranoid types take this to mean my dog wants to eat theirs. They freak out and I become the evil owner of the vicious dog. It's great fun.

Today, Sherman and I were at the dog park. Enter couple w/lap dog. Woman calls to dog in a particular, high-pitched type of voice. I think to myself, "Great, she's one of those." Cue my dog spotting her dog. Sherman sprints and does her best to get the little yappy thing to play. The woman freaks right the hell out.

"Screw this," I think to myself. I grab Sherman and we make our exit. The dog park would be so much nicer if there were fewer people in it.